How is this writing? What grade level would you think it is?

Very detailed and informative of the scene...Any other 14 year old would have a hard time reading this without a dictionary at hand :) Anyway... It is stiff in a sense that it transmits no emotion across to the reader thus making the story a bit dull. This happens to readers a lot they find that they are thinking to much about the vocabulary chosen that their product is a bit boring. Try not to think so hard about the actual words think beyond them...my advice (forgive me if it is of no use) is to become one of the characters don't be the author...try to become part of the setting and go from there... If you can not do it with this story write a short side story sort of as a warm up. In this story, write about something that you are inspired and passionate about something that you feel comes easy to you... then continue with this one....Keep trying...Practice makes perfect (its true)