Im confused, dejected, unable to understand anything?? any views....?

Why i always choose the hardest part! Im always dejected and feel depressed cuz i think a lot....Its like i always choose difficult things like ill like to regret for not doing a thing in my life than to do it... I know i never had someone close enough to talk and thats why ive emptied all my thoughts in my brain....sometimes i feel paranoid, schizoid....i feel i don't relate to my life and how i should be living.... What should i do to feel better and no rant answers....